She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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