my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
