So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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