His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
