I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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