Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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