she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
