Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
