Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
