you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
