In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
