the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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