There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
