i jhust puked up my retainher.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My vagina is very pro this idea
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
