I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize