is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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