i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
