I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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