I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
