Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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