This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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