I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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