girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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