I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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