I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
