Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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