yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
