ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
