i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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