i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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