I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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