Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize