Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
