I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
