and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
