I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
