My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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