My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
did you just send me my own nude
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
