there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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