Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
