I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
