The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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