Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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