my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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