he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
