Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
