i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
