i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
No stitches, just platelets and will power
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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