we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
