i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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