Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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