holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
