genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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