Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
