Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
