Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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