Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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