I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
