did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
