I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
nutella sex= disaster
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
