I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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