Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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