Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
