Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
