four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
